


My cherry pie

by deanscherrypie1



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Death, Destiel - Freeform, Drugs, F/M, Fucked Up, I don't fucking know what other tags relate to fanfic, M/M, Murder, Sex, Sexual Content, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Violence, abuse of Alcohol, enjoy, homocide, i guess, trash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2018-07-14 06:23:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7157165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanscherrypie1/pseuds/deanscherrypie1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU.<br/>Castiel Novak is a student at clear waters highschool currently in his third year. He is a suicidal, depressed, mess in this world, and no one could make things better...that is until he meets a certain someone. Castiel struggles to live and fight while being afraid his certain love interest will leave him, he does his best to care and be stable enough for his lover. His main motto: happiness is key, and his main goal is: survive, help, love. Will he make it? Will his lover leave him? Or will this forbidden love survive? Find out here and now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Start something new

**Author's Note:**

> This is an original fanfiction, please do not take credit for this fanfiction, I've put a lot of time and effort into this, and most of the depression is based off of me and other people who have agreed for me to base them off of. So please I ask you to not take credit, steal, rewrite, or make anything(episode,movie,etc) of this without my permission. If you would like to use this for something ask me first at: deanspie14@gmail.com

     Dean Winchester teaches literature and history. He decides it's time to make a change, so instead of teaching the normal way he would show videos, a few big quizzes here and there, things that would seem lame he would turn it up. Although he doesn't do it, because he was afraid he would fail.

He readies his supplies, like paper, pencils, syllabuses in one hand and supply list in the other. He opens the door as the bell rings and teenagers come through to go to their classes from all different corners. "I'm ready." He said to himself. There were a few students,three or four who would throw away the supply list. This would confuse and anger Dean slightly but not enough to punch a man. As soon as all the students came in he noticed a lot of the girls and very few guys would look at him like he was poison they were willing to take just for a taste. It amazed him, but it also weirded him out. The girls would lick their lips or fix their make up, in this case he knew they would listen in class Even though he doesn't know why they would listen, I'm not even hot, he thought to himself. So he walked back to his desk to do roll call."Amanda?"

"Here." She said biting her pen. There is no reason for you to bite your pen, Dean thought.

"Jabon?" 

"What!?" Jabon was a jock, he played football and was the quarterback or also known as the leader.

"Here or not here?" Dean asked.

"Here." Jabon replied. The class went on and on. Dean finally landed on the last name on the name list.

"Castiel?" Dean called out. No answer, then again. Still no answer, as he was about to put absent he heard a thump at the door. Who could it be? Dean thought. Dean stood up and went towards the door, and he opened it. There he was bent over catching his breathe, Castiel. "Um come in."

"Thank y-you, Mr. Win-winchest-chester." Castiel said panting and panting. Luckily for Castiel no one noticed him, so he was able to sit in the back seat where an empty seat awaited. A small smile appeared on his face, he smiled at Dean. Dean smiled back.

"Okay class in front of you are two sheets of paper..." And the class went on, eventually lunch came along. When Dean came back from lunch he noticed Castiel was still in class. "Castiel,right?" He asked, Castiel nodded not even looking at him since he was reading. "Aright then, you should leave to lunch.'

" I already ate." Castiel said. EAT WHAT!? Dean thought.

"Well next time you want to eat in class ask and bring your lunch for proof that you already ate." Dean said trying to be funny, but no laughter came out of Castiel, he gave Dean a thumbs up instead while reading his book. Lunch was a full 30 minutes, so what was left was 27 minutes. This will be awkward, but it's only awkward if you make it awkward. Dean thought to himself sitting back in his seat.

"Mr.win-winchester,have you read this book before?" Castiel asked.

"What book?"Dean asked not looking up from his phone.

" the lo-lovely b-bones."

"Ah that one, I've seen the movie and read the book, they are both equally great and depressing, in my opinion." To Castiel he didn't care about that he just wanted to know if he liked the book or not.

"D-did you uh li-like it?" Castiel asked. He stutters. His stutters are normal to others, they think it's something about him speaking to others that make him nervous. It's not, they were caused while he thinks while he speaks. Causing him not to realize that he can possibly say something else and mix up words, which is when he speaks he tries not to mix up words. 

*sort of spoilers*

"Yeah, it was nice. I like Suzie's sister she was caring and sweet. I don't like the mom in either she made me want to punch something. What did you like?"

"Um I-I liked t-the part where Suzie created her own world in the in-between with he-her fri-friend Holly." Castiel said, and they both laughed at how great the movie and book was. 

"Yeah that was nice, I never cry at sad movies nor romance ones either but that movie made me cry like a baby." Dean told Castiel, he never told this to anyone he didn't want to seem like a pussy, which is what he called himself anytime he cried so he would stop.

"Re-really?" Castiel wanted to make sure and Dean nodded. Castiel's smile grew a little.

"Hey kid,  are you okay?" Dean asked, he shouldnt have asked because this made Castiel feel like the conversation they had wasn't so good that it was just used to ask a serious and unnecessary question.

"What?" He wanted to make sure he heard what Dean had asked correctly.

" it's just I've heard about you. You're a good kid, but I heard from your last teachers that you didn't speak much and that you mostly read. Why? Make some friends,talk to people, or I'll send you to the cafeteria to eat the food."Dean told the last part as a joke but he said everything else is a calm harsh  voice. This made Castiel seem like a target, like he was a lone gazelle and Dean was the lion.

"Mr.wi-winchester,  Im not a social butterfly li-like others. I had friends I'm the seventh eighth friends, but it all went d-do-downhill from th-there. It's not always ea-easy for everyone to make friends, when it comes to m-me I can't seem to ma-make friends and I-I probably never w-will so I guess you could say that, my people skills are a little rusty." Cas stood up and walked towards the door, he was the gazelle who was running away from the lion. Dean spoke out.

"Castiel listen I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that but I'm your teacher and I'm concerned." Dean said he was the lion who laid down to trick the gazelle into thinking he was safe.

"Leave it alone. " Castiel shot back, the gazelle was reaching safety. Castiel was headed to the school library. The gazelle had reached safety.Dean walked back to class.  

20 minutes if lunch left.

Dean had enough, he went straight to the library and took out his phone, and dialed a number.

"Hello?"

When Dean reached the library he looked around for Castiel until he finally spotted him."cas, I need to speak with you in class. Now." Dean said. Castiel sighed, closed his book and put it back in its rightful place on the shelf. He then realized he was called cas, he never  had a nickname, be like it.he was okay with it. When they got back to class only 15 minutes of lunch was left. Dean told Castiel that he was sorry, he shouldn't have said what he said, and that he wants to make it up to him. "I want to make  it up to you cas, let's go out you and me together."

"Mr.um win-Winchester. Are you ask-asking me out? Like on a date?" 

"Huh?what? No. No it's just two guys having out. Come on."  Dean didn't know what he was talking about, he'd been out of the dating game for so long he doesn't even realize that when he said that, it sound like he wanted a date."

"Umm....ok-okay then." Castiel agrees and went to get his syllabuses from his other teachers.  Dean went to get the students back to class there was a substitute already waiting, since he called the principal  about a "family emergency". 

Fifteen minutes later cas was already waiting in Dean's car. He knew that was his car because on his desk there was a picture of the impala. He was already inside because Dean forgot to lock the doors. " alright!" Dean said running out to his car and got in. "how did you get in?" 

"The do-door was unl-unlocked." Castiel replied, making Dean mad at himself. Dean got out of school grounds and drove. "I li-like your car.", Castiel said while Dean was singing along to stairway to heaven." It's very vintage. I g-guess."

"Well, thank you cas?" There was awkward silence for about ten minutes. "What do you want?"

"Burger King." Castiel said so fast not even a stutter was heard.

"Alright what do you want from it?" Castiel didn't know since he had never gone, so he  shrugged and told Dean. "Can I have two quarter pounders and two medium cokes. Thanks."

"Thank y-you Mr.win-Winchester." 

"Please call me Dean."

"Okay D-Dean." After Dean payed for the food they drove off to a park nearby to eat. They stayed in the car and ate once they got there.

"How's my apology so far?"

"Could be be-better." They laughed and Castiel took his first bite from the burger. 

"Cas, do you forgive me?" Dean took a bite,So did Castiel.

"Yes...I do fo-forgive you." Castiel saw Dean from the corner of his eye, smile.

"Castiel shy do you stutter?" Dean hesitated to ask.

"I don't stutter. " Castiel never knew he stuttered, he was always to focused on thinking what to say next.

"You stutter as if you don't know what to say. Is that why?" Dean didn't want to ruin this apology but he was curious.

"Well, I do think of what to say next while I speak and not before or after. Which could be why I stutter since I don't want to say anything stupid, or hurtful.. Castiel explained. Dean was concerned about t-the story behind that.

" any other reason? " Dean wanted to know more. He wanted to get to know Castiel more. He was curious, he was reeled in like a fish on bait.

"I can tell you anything right?" Castiel asked Dean, and in return Dean nodded yes and tool a bite from his burger.

"When I was younger. My mom said she loved me, a lot, but she hit me a lot and I thought that was her way of saying I love you. I never did anything wrong until I told my friends what she did, and again I thought that was her way of saying I love you. They called the cops and my mom was release after a few months. " he took a bite and swallowed. " my mom came back and told me to always think before I speak.  My dad was an alcoholic and he would hit her sometimes almost kill her and she would take her anger out on me. Months later, it came to that point where he did kill her.I called the cops, and my dad cut me, deep on the right side of my body. " and another bite. " I live with my grandma she treats me right. I love her dearly but I'm afraid if I say something wrong I'll get hurt again. That's why I think while I speak." He took his last bite from the burger.

Dean dropped his."cas, you didn't stutter then." A smile came up his face.

"I didn't?" Castiel asked, and when Dean said no. They squealed like fan girls." Dean can I tell you something else?"Dean took a bite from his burger and said yes." I tried to OD last year a few timesz then I tried to hang myself and I ended up in the hospital every time. Yesterday I tried to OD on pills, and then I thought why not give school a try? Things could turn out different? So I didnt do it, and I'm here. I think I made the right choice."

Dean stared at Castiel for a few seconds and Castiel stared back, "Cas."their eyes locked, blue on green. Dean leaned in and hugged Castiel tightly shedding tears.

" why are you crying? Mr.win-Dean" Castiel didn't know Dean would cry.

"If you kill yourself, I'll kill you. Got it?" Castiel smiled at what Dean had said and hugged back slowly since they were still in the car, and it was pretty tight in there.

"I won't Dean."

"For me?" Dean asked. Still crying into Castiel's green and  gray stripped shirt. Castiel then started crying and half his face was covered by Dean's shoulder causing a small  puddle to form on Dean's jacket."cas. Promise." That he did and he meant it.

"For you."  


	2. Take me home

     It was mid day sunny and cloudy, it was just right for any day. Not too hot not too cold, like goldilocks' porridge. It was a cool day, the air smelled wonderfully. Birds chirping wind flowing. It was all so nice according to Dean. He walked outside a little at the park trail so the food he ate could settle correctly, he checked his watch and saw it was 12:10 already. He knew it was wrong to call out of school on the first day, but he had to make it up to Castiel his student, but he only had two hours left. He could do it any other day but it felt right to do it today and not tomorrow, not the next day,or any other day. He wanted to do it today and so he did, he ran back to the car, when he reached it he saw Castiel trying to balance a pencil on his upper lip, "Cas, what else would be good?"

"Wh-what?" Castiel asked dropping his pencil.

"You want to go to the movies? Store? Walmart? Anywhere else so I can make up for what I did?"

"Mr. Win-"

"Dean." Dean interrupted. He didn't want to be an acquaintance who knew each other from school or just a teacher. He wanted to be friends, he thought the first name basis would be the first steps to becoming friends.

"Dean. I d-don't need you to make up for anything, you didn't h-have to do anyth-thing in the first place."

"But I want to..." Dean looked at Castiel with soft green eyes, staring with passion. He didn't notice at first but when Castiel stared back, he stared with passion and life. This causing Dean to turn away, "Err,um so dollar store good? Yes, okay let's go." Dean looked away blushing wondering why he did what he did as the car turned on.

"Huh? Sure w-why not?" Castiel was confused at first but he then too started to blush at the thought of Dean's green eyes staring at him, and his freckles making him look so much younger than twenty five. He looked almost like a teenager with stubble, his face so perfect according to Castiel. He wanted to touch the edges of his jaw. So sharp, he thought.

They drove for at least thirty minutes, until they reached the closest thrift store, there was a dollar store but it was really far away about five miles away. It took at least ten minutes to find a good parking space. Once they were out of the car, Dean motioned for Castiel to hurry. "Dean, are y-you sure th-that you still want to d-do this?" He asked so many times, it stated to bother Dean.

"Yes I'm sure hurry up!" Dean growled. To Castiel he found this pretty attractive, but he wondered why. He knew he wasn't into dudes, so why would he find this attractive when guys do this. Castiel never found this attractive when women do this. When they entered everything was very bright, the lights, the walls, the people. "Hey Cas, look at this!" Castiel didn't notice that Dean had run off already, and that he was standing at the entrance for a while. "Come on kid."

Castiel sighed. He looked at the place like he had never been to one, it all fascinated him. It all looked so messy, yet so pretty in certain parts. So many toys, clothes, even T.Vs. "so ma-many clothes." He looked around even more following Dean.

"What?" Dean didn't know this, but Castiel really had never been to a thrift store like goodwill, the Salvation Army, etc. not a Single a one? have you ever been to one of these?"

"No." Castiel smiles grew as e went to jacket section. He saw a great jacket that he liked, it was the color burgundy and it looked perfect. It was soft and at a low price than the usual cost for a jacket this nice,  
"It's all so nice." Dean rolled his eyes and mouthed the word wow. His eyes eventually spotted a jacket he liked a whole bunch, it was the color of army green, and had pockets on the inside, it looked great on him.

" Cas how's it look?" Castiel walked over to him. He looked up and down and tilted his head and squinted, like a puppy with sad eyes. He tilted his head the other way and motioned with his pointer finger to turn around, so Dean did as told.

" I like it, Buy it." His response was not the best, Dean needed a second opinion, and a third to be safe. Dean walked over to a lady and asked if it looked nice, she said yes but gave some criticism on how he should wear more deodorant. He then asked a man, who said it looked great, the man also asked if there was another available. Of course there was another one available, Dean turned back to walk towards Castiel.

"what about you, what are you going to buy?" He asked.

"Err...where is it?" He looked behind him and to his left. He then looked to his right and saw it, a sky blue, lavender purple, and pearl white polka dotted 5'10" blanket. "This blanket for my grandmother." He showed it off like a proud child who got an A on his first art project for kindergarten. This made Dean smile and laugh.

"Alright let's go." They waited in line for twenty minutes exact. Dean checked his watch, and it was 1:16 pm. He had about an hour left to make up for his idioticness, which is what he would call his own personal stupidity. The employee's phone rang and he had to pick it up, which lasted for about ten minutes. Come on, Dean thought to himself.

"Alright sorry there had a problem with my wife, Linda. She's a cutie really, if you get to know her but don't worry about me or anything. So uh what can I do for you guys?" The employee asked, hoping that one of them would consult him.

"We are bu-buying s-some things. Um h-how much is th-this blanket?" Castiel asked.

"Uh le-let me ch-check for y-you sir. Weirdo." He mocked Castiel, then saying weirdo under his breath. This angered Dean for some reason, almost close enough for him to punch the man.  
" ten dollars." Dean paid for the blanket and jacket equaling twenty one dollars even. "Ha-have a ni-nice day!" Said the man, this upsetting Dean even more.

"Hey, you alright Cas?" Dean looked at Castiel, hoping he didn't feel bad. Castiel stared at the floor while walking out to the car and while they were in the car, not a single word came out, Not a simple sigh. When ever the light turned red, Dean would look at Castiel, at his sad eyes becoming sadder, his small smile became a complete frown. This upset Dean a whole lot. " you want to go home? What's your address?"

"P-please. 549 swansea ro-road." Castiel tried to say, without stuttering, failing. Tears started to flood his eyes, rising every second. Dean put in the address onto his phone and looked up, he saw Castiel starting to cry trying to hide the fact he was crying. His eyes became red and puffy. Dean parked his car on abandoned train tracks that was only one hour away from Castiel's house.

"Cas!" Dean jumped out of the car and went to the other side, he opened the door and hugged him, rocking him back and forth and petting his hair while he sobbed into dean's shirt. "Shh... It's okay, you're okay. I'm here for you, don't cry." Dean kept repeating his actions to calm Castiel down. The only thing that changed was his words from "its okay, you'll be better once you are home." To " I'm here, let it out. I'm here."

"Take me h-home Dean." Castiel's words sounded like heavy pants and gasps. When dean began to get up, Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean's upper torso, he liked his warmth next to him, on him. He didn't want the warmth to go back yet, he wanted to be around Dean Winchester's arms, like a baby bundled up in a their blankets, it was cozy and warm. "Not yet."

"Not yet." Dean planted his chin above Castiel's head. Dean also liked this, he felt protective over him, he felt something for Castiel, he didn't understand why or how, but he didn't care. He hasn't felt this certain way for the longest time and he wants this moment to last, well at least the hugging. He didn't want Castiel to be sad, it bothered him. Even though they have just met each other that morning for the first time, it felt like years to them.

"Take me home please,Dean." Castiel looked up at Dean, his eyes puffy, and red. Dean looked down at him, and planted his forehead with Castiel's, both of their noses touching.

 


	3. Confession and confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters four is coming out soon, in a few days or so. Chapter five will come out a day or two after chapter four.

     Scared, tired, depressed, paranoid, so much more. Castiel had Felt all of these thing.

  He couldn't stop it no matter how hard he wanted to or how hard he tired, he just couldn't bring himself to do so. What the man did, triggered something. He was afraid that his "problem" would make him seem less approachable than he already is. During his car ride home with Dean, he looked outside the car window, seeing all sorts of beauty and life. Castiel always wanted to fly, to live out there free and not have a care in the world of what anyone thought of him. He would love to be a bird, a hawk maybe, or just a small one like a mockingbird. This is reality, it isn't possible. It can never be possible, Castiel thought. "Castiel. Knowing you are my student and all, it's wrong for us to talk over the phone about non-school related stuff, I want us to talk about what's going on with you as soon as I get home. Got it? Here's my number 1-866-907-3235."

"Okay th-thanks." He pulled out his flip phone and flipped it open, it was a tannish gray color, merely a fossil, It belonged to his grandmother but sh gave it to him because she knew he would need it. Luckily he had money to buy her a nicer phone, a flip phone but a newer version. He presses buttons, making a beep sound, hinting that he was adding Dean's number in it.

  
He called to make sure it worked, surely it did. As he looked out of the car window, his forehead was pressed against the clear glass. Only half way until he was home.

"Cas, you in the mood to speak?" Dean looked over to Castiel for a few seconds then facing the road. Castiel shrugged slightly, he didn't want to do anything but be home and see his grandmother, making the usual tomato soup with half a piece of garlic bread, "okay then. Just know that I'm here." Dean's uneasiness began to vex him.

"Can w-we you kn-know not speak, for n-now?" Castiel whispered, his voice was soft, but hard to hear. "Please?" He whimpered.

"Okay. Well Instead of speaking over the phone once you get home, call me before you go to bed. You are going to tell me what's going on with you, alright? That way you can go to bed fine, alright?" Dean looked over to Castiel to confirm if Castiel understood. Dean raised his voice, "Alright?"

"Yes DEAN." Castiel looked over at Dean ad stared at his sharper edged jaw, clenching. His jaw so sharp you could almost cut yourself. Castiel realized he was staring and looked away flushing. "I'm sorry I ra-raised my voice." Dean sighed.

there was a pause.

"It's okay Cas, I'm sorry I raised my voice. You know what Cas, why not try to not think about what you are going to say, while speaking. Try to think after or before but not while, try it see if it works. "

"Okay." Castiel said, trying to sound understanding, Dean hadn't known this, but it was hard for him to stop stuttering, his childhood traumatized him so harshly he couldn't stop himself from feeling like a disappointment in his dad's eyes. He should have told dean that it would be difficult to try but he didn't want to worry Dean any longer so he kept quiet.

"You have reached your destination." The gps said.

"Bye Cas, call me before you go to bed got it?!" Dean had to make sure Castiel would do so. He hugged Castiel before he exited the car.

"Goodbye Dean." His eyes tired and sad, he waved good bye as Dean drove off and left. They were happy they spent time with each other, the day was perfect. Everything went great. He walked up to his small house sheared with two other people a mother who was 19 and had a child of her own who was four. The child had brown eyes and black hair, he looked scared at all times, alert. The small environment he was living in wasn't a place for a child. Castiel worked at public making tips and small amounts of money. By the need of the month he would have a thousand dollars, eventually having around eight hundred after the taxes. By the end of the year he would have at least eleven thousand dollars, including tips. It wasn't much and it wasn't much to live on but he and his grandmother were lucky enough to find a roommate. Together they made around three-thousand dollars by the end of the month.it was a good thing, a good idea to get a roommate. Not much noise, not many people around. There were only twelve houses and a few stores put together but it was small, not big enough to be called a town. Castiel thought to himself, the child doesn't deserve to live here, he deserve to live in a better home, go to a better school, grow up to be someone. Castiel saved money each time he could for the child and for his grandmother, he bought medication, food, clothes, detergent, the important stuff while the nineteen year old mother payed the bills and both of them would pay taxes during February.

  
They had a good system going on. His grandmother then walks in.

"CasCas! Oh you are home! "  
She had wrinkles on her eyes and smile, gray hair and white hairs on her scalp. Her lips chapped, a fossil she was. Puny, yet her eyes filled with life and light. Her soul was innocent, and kind. It was pure. She was light, while Castiel was filled with darkness, his heart had holes he needed to fill them, or things could get bad for everyone including himself. When his grandmother was around he focused on her well being, her happiness. He loved his grandmother, she raised him right, like a mother should. With love, and care. She was like a mother to Cas, a mother he never had. I'm "my dear boy, I made chicken and pasta. I burned myself a little, but it's worth it, for you my dear." Her voice shaky and small, Castiel nearly fell and cried in her arms, he was helpless but she was even more helpless. She was in her eighties and she could barely walk, feed, bathe herself. She needed Castiel more than he needed her, although most people would leave their grandparents in an old folks home, Castiel thought differently. He stayed with her at all times, he never talked to people and never made friends much because he had to take care of his grandmother at all times, this was one of the reasons besides his stutter.

He didn't care, as long as she was okay and happy he was okay and happy.

"Grandmama, thank you. Here let me get you some ice." He put the ice in a zip lock bag and put that one in another. He then wrapped it with a triple layer of bounty towel to make sure it wasn't freezing for her. He planted the ice in the burn that was on her left lower arm. They all sat down, and ate enjoying her food even if it wasn't that good. To them it was the best thing they have ever tasted, better than anything they have ever tried, they wanted more but they saved some for his grandmother. He stood up and served her a reasonable amount of pasta and soft soft chicken, the serving was warm and not hot or cold. "Here you go, here comes the airplane." Castiel fed her, and entertained his grandmother in any way possible. She laughed at the smallest things, but it didn't matter because her smile lighted up the whole room. "Grandmama, I bought you something, well my friend got it for me for you since I didn't have any money with me. Hold on."Before eating, Castiel set the blanket to wash and dry. When he took the blanket out, it was warm and smelled like lavender. "Alrighty here you go." The nineteen year old mother helped Castiel's grandmother up and onto the sofa. Castiel then came hurrying planted the blanket slowly over her, warning her up in the cold tundra of a home. The house barely had any installation, so it was always cold.  
"I love it CasCas it's beautiful." Castiel bent down and kissed her on the forehead.  
"Sleep well okay, I'll be in the kitchen cleaning up for you." He then called the nineteen year old teenager over to him, "na-Nancy um don't you ha-have work in twenty minutes?"

"Oh my gosh yes I do!" She ran quickly out of the door and left dropping her son off with the next door neighbor knowing that Castiel had his hands full to take care of a child. He wasn't ready either.  
Twenty minutes after cleaning everything out he walked over to his grandma and smiled.

"Grandmama? Grandmama?" He starts getting worried. She always wakes up on the second calling. "Grandmama?!" He shook her softly and slowly. He took his index finger and slid it under her nose, no breathe, then he felt her heartbeat. Nothing.  
He dialed 911 not knowing the hospital number.  
"Hello what's your emergency?"  
"I don't know if my grandmother is dead, she isn't breathing, there is no pulse maybe it's just slow. Help please. Gosh, PLEASE!!!" He spoke too fast to understand.

"Sir, you are going to have to speak slo-"  
"Grr!!! 549 SWANSEA ROAD BRING AN AMBULANCE!!" he hung up. "Please stay with me, grandmama. Please." Castiel flipped open to call Dean but he didn't want to worry Him So he didn't. He wouldn't,  
He couldn't.

The ambulance came as fast as they could. They took Castiel's grandmother to the hospital as well as Castiel to accompany her, to make sure she's alright. When they arrived at the hospital, Castiel hated to see the sight of her being hooked to all sorts of machines and wires. He was filled with fear, and sadness, why now? He though. Why ever? He was scared for his life, for her life. The doctor came in an hour later coming in with news. "Good news kid, your grandmother is not dying right now, she'll be alright as far as we know. Alright well I'll check up on her in another two hours."The first day her eyes were shut, the second day also.  
The third day was different than the others, the nurses removed a few wires, is she waking up?He thought. Soon after the doctor came and spoke to him. "Castiel is it?" The doctor asked and castiel nodded worried, "well it's getting late and you have school tomorrow most likely so I'm asking you to leave. But, come back tomorrow, our final results will come in."

"Okay." Castiel walked away, looking back slightly, tears filling his eyes. He wished his grandmother would wake up today and not Friday. He wished his grandmother hadn't fallen asleep. He thought this was his own failing, even though he didn't do anything wrong, he blamed himself. He called up a taxi and it took him home, two hours away. He had fallen asleep.

"Heya kiddo, get up. This is your stop right?"

"Huh, yeah yeah. Thanks here is um your uh money keep the change."

"Alrighty kiddo, have a good night, thanks!" The taxi man waved good bye, smirking. Castiel gave the man sixty dollars, when the taxi ride only costed thirty two dollars and seventy five cents.  
Castiel entered the house, and Nancy was standing there. "Hey there cassy. Umm, this may be a bad time, and I shouldn't bring this up but I couldn't just leave without saying goodbye with what is happening."

"W-what wi-with grandmama?" His voice low, and cracked. He hadn't had anything to drink the past three days, he hadn't eaten either.

"She is your grandmother cassy. Yes I've heard from the doctor. I'm on her emergency contacts, as are you."

"Wh-where are you going?" Castiel whispered, voice like a cool harsh wind, he wheezed.

"Out. For good. My boyfriend asked me to move in with him to London, and I am. If ms. Novak does... Y'know, you can always stay with me." Nancy tried to be comforting, but it didn't do much for castiel. He had already cried more than enough, he couldn't do it again. This woman was practically family and she was leaving so soon. "Cassy, I'm so sorry." She reached out for a hug, but he didn't accept it. He shook his head and gritted his teeth.

"No. No, no no no no." He pointed at her, shaking. "Y-your not, sorry d-doesn't cut it. "

"I'm sorry." She repeated.

"N-NO!" He yelled at the top of her lungs. He threw over flower pot filled with water over the coffee table. He turned around and headed straight to his room, "yo-you're not sorry, i-if you we-were you wouldn't be leaving this dump." Snot rolling from his red nose. His eyes bloodshot red and puffy from all the helpless crying he had done. His hair was a big brown mess, and his face sweaty and red like a cherry, tear stains resting on cheeks.his stutter leaving which was only temporary.

"Cassy..." Nancy said, in a low soft voice with her soft blue eyes becoming sad. "... I have a son."

" good for you." He replied. The child then came out of the bathroom, he ran to castiel and hugged him. Castiel wanted to push the child off but he couldn't, his heart thought differently. He was angry and sad, and confused but a warm hug melted it away temporarily until they left.

"Cassy! I'm leaving, it's sad, because I'm going to miss you. You draw with me and play with me when my mommy couldn't do it, I'm glad you are in my life. Im going to miss you, I'll hopefully visit. Tell grandmama I said goodbye and that I loved her soup." They waved goodbye. Nancy was dragging along a blue shiny leather suit case, two of them one small, the other medium sized. Her sun carrying a book bag with a teddy bear with Angel like wings sticking out, almost like it was about to fall. Castiel ran towards the kid, and stopped him.

"Your bear was ab-about to fall out." He stuffed it back in including a one hundred dollar bill. He whispered into the child's ear, "this one hundred dollar is for you and you only. Save it it will bring you great things." He slipped another one into his jacket. They left. Castiel walked back inside the house and into his room, where he left his flip phone to charge.  
67%. 3:19 A.M  
He checked his phone and saw twelve missed calls, he forgot he had school the other days so he thought it was the teachers. He laid on his twin sized bed and closed his eyes. A ring came.

He ignored it.  
Then another.  
Again he ignored it.  
Then another. He tossed to his left mid ring and flipped open his phone. " what?"

"Castiel, I told you to call me three days ago, you haven't. I called you two days ago, and oh didn't answer. I called you yesterday, MULTIPLE times and you didn't answer. I call you today and you didn't answer, why? You know wh-actually no I'm coming over."

"N-no Mr.win-Winchester I don't need y-you to come over."Castiel's voice went in a hurry.

"Why?"

"There is no re-reason for you to, besides eve-everything is fine I just didn't ch-charge my phone." Which was partially true, Castiel's phone died two days ago.

"Then, tell me why your voice is dry?"

"Err, um it's j-just the um re-receiver." Dean hung up, "Mr. Winchester?" The old bell rang, It was already two A.M in the morning who could it be? "What!?" He yelled, the bell rang it's old messed up ring. "Darn bell." He stood up from his bed and walked over to the door, when he opened it he was surprised. "Nancy?"

"I forgot my wallet. Im sorry again." She rushed back from her old room and hugged castiel, "I'm sorry, really." Her British accent got to him, a British accent always fixes everything, he thought to himself. He smiled and hugged her back.

"It's okay, Nancy." He said mimicking her British accent. They laughed as she left. As Nancy left with her fiancé and her son asleep in the back seat another car came around the corner. He recognized this car, it was black and old but in good condition. Mr.winchester? He thought. Dean parked his car on the small dirty driveway, he jumped out with his hair messy, he was wearing his pajamas. Red plaid pajama pants with a long white shirt that covered his butt, the shirt was so thin it showed Dean's muscles and abs. Castiel ran back into the house and turned off all the lights and closed the from door. Why is my teacher here ugh? He thought.

"Castiel?" He knocked, "Castiel? I know you are in there, I saw you run back inside. It's starting to rain, and it's getting heavier. "  
Castiel ran to the bathroom to get a towel but in his way there he tripped. After getting back on his feet he went straight to the bathroom and speed walked back. He opened the door and saw a figure standing over him. The figure was fully soaked, his hair droopy and shiny. His shirt showing his abs completely. "Are you going to let me in?"

"H-huh? Yeah co-come in." Castiel luckily had two towels just in case, Dean sat down on the old couch where he placed a towel down and over him self. "W-what are you doing he-here, Mr. Winchester?"

"You sounded sick, didn't I tell you to stop thinking while you're talking?"

"Yeah."

"Well stop." Dean said being his sassy self.

"Okay." Castiel turned around heading to his room, Dean followed. When he was about to close his door, Dean stopped him. "What the? Go h-home Mr.Winchester."

"Dean. What's going on castiel?" Dean held castiel and sat him down on his messy bed.

"No-nothing." Castiel lied.

"Castiel." No response, "CASTIEL."  
Whenever Dean raised his voice Castiel felt the sudden urge to fall into his arms and cry. He felt like he was cared about. His grandmother cared about him but she could leave for good, Nancy left already, to London for good. The two most important people in his life, the only people in his life actually, were the only who cared about him, yet they were so far away.  
He tried staying strong for Dean, but he failed. He fell on his knees and cried a waterfall. "Dean, my grandmother is in the hospital possibly dying and Nancy left me and my grandmother and soon it could possibly be just me, alone. I DONT want to be alone," he shed and shed," I'm not ready." Dean quickly fell on his knees and hugged Castiel.

"Cas, seriously don't cry. It's okay." Dean looked at his surroundings, everything was old, the tv, the living room couch, the kitchen, the beds, even the clothes. Everything even the small house. He realized that Castiel was living a harsh life, it was difficult. He quickly noted what he should have said instead of seriously don't cry. This made Castiel cry even more.eventually Castiel stopped and just hugged Dean and Dean hugged back, resting his chin on his soft brown hair, while Castiel's face snuggled into dean's chest. "It's okay I'm here, I'll always be here." Castiel looked up at him, "Castiel, go to bed okay. You have school tomorrow and class with me. I'll even sleep here with you, just so you can sleep well."

"Please." This felt weird for Castiel, but he didn't care, he needed something, someone to keep his mind off of things. Castiel flawless so weak he couldn't get back up, so Dean lifted him and carried him bridal style. "Um..."

"It's okay." Dean carried Castiel all the way to the bed without a single problem, he laid him on the bed and fell over him. They were eye to eye, nose to nose. "Cas, I know you had a thing for me but are you sure?"

"W-what?!" Castiel flushed with embarrassment.

"Relax its a joke." Dean laughed, blushing.

"Oh."he secretly didn't want it to be a joke, he really did have a small thing for Dean. He wasn't sure how or why, but he did. "Oh okay."

"You really do have a thing for me ,don't you." He studied Castiel closely, his reaction. His mouth opened wide. "You do." Castiel was freaking out that Dean had found out, he thought he would get rejected, why wouldn't he. He was weak, stupid, and clumsy, plus Dean was his teacher.

"I-I... I-" he coy don't get words to come out, he was scared.

"It's okay, I have a small thing for oh too." Dean rubbed the back of his own neck, he had come out to Castiel, this was his first time admitting he was queer.

"You're gay?"

"No, I'm bi. I like both men and women. You're gay aren't you?" Dean asked, Castiel nodded in return. They say in awkward silence, Castiel liked this. Not only did this get his mind off the problems going on but Dean admitted to liking Castiel.

Castiel stood up and said,"You c-can leave if y-you want. I can tell wh-when someo-one doesn't want to be here."

"Look Cas, I feel awkward but that doesn't mean I don't want to be here. I want to be here Cas, for you." Dean stood up and held Castiel's arms. Castiel looked up at him, "I'll always be here for you."

Castiel's eyes watered, he was a soft cookie, when ever the cookie was dipped in milk it was ready to fall apart whenever. "You mean it?" He whispered.

"I do." Dean replied in a whisper tone. He leaned in and kissed Castiel's forehead. "Always." Castiel had a small crooked smile on his face, he felt better. Dean hugged Castiel rather than just holding his arms. Castiel could feel his muscles this time, he could feel dean's heart beat faster, causing his to beat faster. Dean looked at Castiel and saw his sea blue eyes and couldn't help but stare. Castiel noticed and stare back, they hadn't realized but they had been leaning in. Dean had planted a kiss on Castiel's lips, then another. Finally Castiel became man enough I kiss Dean back. They kissed passionately, at first it was difficult knowing what to do. Castiel had never kissed anyone, by Dean had. He never had difficulty because all his kisses were out of hunger with no love to give, but this was different. This was Castiel, he did his best to please Castiel, and Castiel did his best to please Dean. Dean felt like he was failing but this didn't matter. Castiel was somewhat crying and Dean held him in his face in his hands also crying.  
"I'm sorry." Castiel said.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry... I was about to grab the gun..."

"What are you talking about? CAS. TELL ME."

"I was about to kill myself with the gun we have for safety. Im sorry, I should have done it when I had the chance. I'm sorry." Castiel cried even more, he couldn't handle the stress, he was depressed he felt alone.

"Cas?" Dean's voice was breaking at this point, he had never realized anyone could be this mentally broken. "No."

"I'll be a bother, you don't want me, I'll just be a problem waiting just cause more problems. You'll hate me, you'll leave me."

"No, I love you."what Dean said made Castiel feel awkward since it was too early but it didn't matter, Castiel felt the same way towards Dean.

"No, you don't." Castiel didn't want to be around for anyone to hate, so many have left because he did a small thing wrong, after all Nancy had already left, what stops Dean from leaving.

"I do Cas. I will never leave you trust me. If anything it would be you leaving me, your too perfect for me."

"Is this perfect. This is what you call perfect?" Castiel whined, rubbing his red watery eyes.

"It's better than my perfect." Dean hugged Castiel and kissed his nose.  
"M-Mr. Winchester?!" Castiel was confused, he had no idea what to think, why did my teacher do that? What do I do back? Castiel thought. He was having trouble on what to say next,"I-I don't kn-know what t-to say o-or think?!"

"Don't say or think anything. Just be calm." Dean said with a soft calming voice. He leaned in and his eyes were half way closed, as for Castiel his were tightly shut having never kissed anyone. He thought he would be a bad kisser so he refused to kiss Dean, he didn't want to ruin the moment even though he sort of did. "What's wrong?" Dean asked.

"I'm a terrible kisser...." Castiel questioned himself, am I a terrible kisser? Am I a terrible person for refusing? "... You won't like the kiss."

"Well have you ever kissed anyone before?" Dean had a big smile on his face brightening up his freckles and cashing wrinkles show up around his small eyes. His teeth were so white, whiter than snow. Castiel shook his head no, feeling ashamed of never kissing anyone before. He was a kissing virgin and a virgin in general. He had never done anything "extreme" which is what he would call kissing and having sex. "Cas, it's okay. You'll never know if you're a bad kisser until you actually kiss."

"But y-you're my teacher..." He was afraid that if they went out, they could get caught. He was afraid that Dean could get in trouble, fired or worse, arrested and shown to the public about dating a student. This was wrong but he didn't care he loved Dean Winchester, even if they had just met days ago, this was something he had never felt before. Dean felt the same way, all the women and men he had dated, never gave him this feeling. Like a gut punch, this was real. Almost like a dream come true. "...but I don't care."Dean smiled so did Castiel.They kissed, at first it was awkward but they melted into each other's kisses and arms. Dean's lips so soft and warm. They were plump not swollen like or invisible to see,and they were smooth to touch. He's had experience in kissing, so he didn't give off to much or too little moisture off. Castiel's lips were a little chapped, but it didn't matter because Dean didn't care. This kiss made him feel something more than before, like this wasn't a fantasy this was real. Like they were meant to be. They broke the kiss at the same time to catch air, Castiel laid down on the bed and Dean laid down with him. They closed their eyes, spooning against each other. Dean's hands around Castiel's waist and Castiel's hands holding onto them, not wanting to let go. They cuddled and fell asleep together on the twin sized bed, because there wasn't much room their bodies touched more than a usual cuddle. They were an official couple, they both fell asleep soon after.

Two hours later Castiel had woken up, it was Friday already he had forgotten about Friday. He checked the clock and saw it was 5:45 and the bus comes around 6:34 so he had a little bit of time to get ready. He got up and dressed into a light blue sweater and black jeans with black converse. He checked the mirror and saw his hair was a mess. He didn't bother fixing it, but at the corner of his eye he saw his bed. He turned around, his light smile faded as his frown appeared. It was all just a dream? He fell on his bed and sighed with relief. He was glad it was just a dream, Kissing his teacher! "Wow." Castiel spoke to himself, "just a dream." He sighed again in relief and disappointment, he really hoped for it to be real. After brushing his teeth, cleaning his face and readying his book bag he left for school. He waited at the stop for a while, he didn't notice he had gotten a text from Dean, the bus was loud. While in the bus Castiel had opened his phone and read the message in his head : Morning. Hope to see you in class, also hope to see you again,tonight maybe if it's alright with you. "Was it a dream?"  
Coming to class the day went busy fast. Castiel couldn't wait for literature class, the man of his dreams was there. Castiel turned in all of his signed papers to his teacher and luckily since it was only the first week of school he hadn't missed much at all only the normal school dress code and class rules, but he knew all of them anyways. In every class each teacher asked if there was anything wrong with him, like was he sick or if he's doing okay at home since he has dark circles under his eyes and he always had a blank face and every time he would say everything's fine or he was sick. By the time Castiel had class with Dean he would rush out of class so he could be first in. At first Dean didn't pay much attention to Castiel, proving what happened last night was just a dream but then in the middle of class when it was time for lunch Dean would wink at Castiel causing much confusion and blushing. During lunch Castiel didn't have anyone to talk to, but a group of people invited Castiel to lunch. Four people really, Meg, Michael, Gabriel, and Amanda. They were all really nice Gabriel and Michael treated Castiel like a brother and made him feel welcomed. Castiel knew Meg had a crush on him since the moment Meg blushed during his presence and when she spoke directly to him she would say sarcastic comments and silly innuendos. Amanda was shy like Castiel but also really fun when you get to know her. They were all laughing it out, not a care in the world. This made Dean smile from a distance, school went on as the day past. At the end o the day Castiel remembered he forgot his notebook in dean's class, "stupid idiot." He said to himself.  
He raced to the class room, on his way there he bumped into down one. "Oh sorry."

"WATCH IT KID!" Mr.Crowley yelled, coffee spilled all over his suit, dripping and soaking. His face had an angry expression.

"So-sorry Mr.Crowley."

"Don't do it again, you here. Now go home."

"I-I forgot my n-notebook."

"Well hurry it up already will ya, go get it then leave." Crowley told Castiel, and Castiel ran back to class. Only to see the door was locked, and dark inside. Dean had gone home.

"Cas, shouldn't you be at home?"

"Ye-yeah but Mr.Winchester locked the d-door and now I-I can't get my notebook. It ha-had my homework in it." Castiel sighed and turned around and fell against the door, he slid down in a sitting motion. Once his bum landed on the cold hard ground he crouched over and rubbed his hair as anxiety took over him.

"Cas, the doors open." Dean had unlocked the door for him, Castiel looked up and smiled crookedly.

"Thank you, Dean." Castiel ran inside to retrieve his notebook and found it inside his desk covered in his doodles of noodles, he was very hungry after eating nothing at lunch. "D-Dean?" Dean Winchester was gone, he left the class to go home. A frown had appeared on Castiel's face. He then remembered what the doctor said: "come in tomorrow and check up on your grandmother, we'll have the final results." Castiel took out his phone and called a cab.

When the cab man finally came, Castiel was worried, scared and hopeful. "Where to?"

"Judds hospital."

"Alright kiddo." Said the cab man. Why does everyone call me kid or kiddo? I'm not a kid! Castiel thought to himself, he was sixteen years old and was a teenager. Not a child. This annoyed him but it wasn't the time to make a fuss about it. He didn't even notice they arrived, until the cab man kept saying," heya kid, this your stop or nah?"

"Huh." Castiel checked and nodded he payed the man what he earned, thirty six dollars and ten cents. He remembered the last time a cab man drove him he had over payed.  
He ran inside the building and checked in, the elevator was packed, he decided to use the stairs. His grandmother was in room 221B, as he arrived at the hospital room he was panting and slightly sweating, the doctor was already in the room.

"Mr. Novak you are here." Said the doctor, he was a little confused mom why Castiel was so tired. "Wh-"

"I ran up th-the stairs."

"Oh. Well now that you are here, I'll go get the results." The doctor left the room on a hurry, and got into the elevator. The elevator was a bit cramped and smelly, since there were so many people it took a while for the doctor to come back almost an hour.

"Grandmama, please be okay." Castiel whimpered, he tightened his grip on his grandmother's wrinkly hand. His phone rang, Castiel turned it on to vibrate. It rang again, he left it alone. Thirty minutes later it rang again, this time he turned it on to silent, no buzzing or ringing would go off, just straight to voicemail. Fourth minutes later the doctor came in with a nurse and two clipboards. The nurse had a blank face, she had a person next to her, Meg. She had volunteered to work at the hospital.the nurse didn't look happy, neither did the doctor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comment below what you think about this fanfiction. Also comment what I should fix, add,or delete.
> 
> Don't forget to share!!!! ;-) :-) :-D


	4. Something wicked part one

.    The doctors came in and Meg saw Castiel, she waved at him shyly and blushed. He rolled his eyes, "this wasn't the time Meg!" He wanted to say but he couldn't bring himself to do so, so he just told sat there on the brown rolling chair waiting for the results. "OKAY." Said the doctor, "well...as far as I can see no."

"N-no what?"

"No your grandmother will um...back me up here nurse Hamph." The doctor gave the nurse a look, the nurse turned around to Meg motioning for Meg to go inside.

"Your grandmother won't make it." She stated so fast in a high pitched voice, that you couldn't make out a single word she said. The doctor gave her another look, the nurse spoke slower, "y-your grandmother wo-won't make it. If she w-wakes up she'll die...after about an hour or so, maybe." She was staring at the floor by the time she finished speaking. Castiel's face held no emotion, blank and eyes filling up with darkness.

"Castiel, I'm sorry." Meg tried to sound like a nice person but that just wasn't her. Instead she came out unappealing and rude. Almost sarcastic. Castiel looked at her with eyes so far into a void, his soul's brightness was nearly gone. His eyes widened.

"You little bitch." He gritted his teeth, Meg didn't know what she did, and Castiel didn't know that she was just trying to be a nice comforting person. He cupped his face with his hands, clammy. "You fucking bitch." His voice cracked.

"Castiel did I do something?" Meg asked slowly approaching him.

"Yeah you sarcastic bitch! Go fuck with someone else!" He yelled tears staining his cheek, little spots of his shirt wet. "LEAVE." He pointed at the door. Everyone but the doctor left, he patted Castiel's back telling him that it's okay. Castiel's eyes suddenly brightened up he takes out his phone and dials a number.   
Dean's phone rings.  
Nothing.  
Again.  
Nothing.  
Then once again. "Yeah Dean here."

"Mr. W-Winchester can you come pick me up from the hospital?"

"Yeah. I'll be there." He hung up.  
He wipes off a certain goo from his hands onto a white rag, he throws it away deep into the trash can. He slams the door shut, grinning devilishly

Dean rushed out pulling his batman pajama pants on and a loose grey shirt on, while he messes up his hair. He rushes to the hospital in his '67 Impala, he calls up Castiel.

"Cas. I'm outside the hospital. Where are you?"

"In-Inside."

"I know but what room?"

"221B."

"Okay I'm getting out of my car now, see you there." Dean said obviously lying, he was Ten minutes away. When he reached the hospital he got out as quickly as possible and hurried into the elevator. When he arrived to the eighth floor he ran to the room, "I'm here Cas, what's going on?" He saw the doctor, "Castiel. What's so important for you to call me this late?" Dean asked. Castiel turned around to face his grandmother and move slightly to the left, leaving Dean to be shocked.

"Ah, Hello Dean!" Said the doctor. Dean faced the doctor eyeing him.

"Hi?" Dean turned to Castiel, "castiel, I am very sorry for sounding rude to a student of mine, I'm am very glad that you have called me for an emergency." Castiel understood what was going on, he didn't want to ruin their relationship so he went along with it.

"Dean, how has it been? Teaching and all." The doctor tilted his head, Castiel knew they had a past but didn't know what type.

"Can we focus on my student's family member?" Dean growled rolling his eyes. The doctor smirked, still staring at Dean with envy his eyes. "Please?" Dean said softly. The doctor turned around to Castiel and said with a deep serious voice.

"Your grandmother will not make it, the second she awakes she will die, or at least the three minutes. I'm sorry I sugar coated it last time but I didn't want to hurt such a helpless child." He smiled kindly and leaned over to Castiel's ear, "I'm very sorry for you being a student of Mr.Winchester. I suggest you don't hang out with him, he has a history. Terrible one." He leaned away and nodded with fear as he slowly backed out of the room trying to not show any fear towards Dean.  
An hour past, Dean was still with Castiel. Dean looked at him and smiled, this Causing Castiel to blush.  
"Why did you call me?"

"I-I don't have any mo-money left, and since you're my teacher/counselor I th-thought it would be ap-appropriate to call you." They were officially a couple now but they couldn't be seen in public together, after all their relationship is what you would call illegal. "I th-thought that maybe you m-might help pay, seeing as you're m-my um y-you know." Castiel blushed brightly.

"Oh." Dean suddenly felt guilty, sad, and disappointed in himself. He didn't actually love Castiel, he just wanted to experiment with the same sex. He was never with the same sex and was only ever with the opposite gender. "Cas, this might be a bad time but I have to tell you something."

"What m-might that be?" Castiel asked, as soon as Dean opened his mouth to speak, Castiel's grandmother awoke.

"Castiel?" She said weakly. Castiel turned around to his grandmother. She spoke, "c-come here." He moved closer, Dean followed, "I've been ve-very I'll and I have-" she inhaled then exhaled " never told you. I'm s-sorry CasCas. I'm sorry."  
Castiel became teary.

"Grandmama? It's okay." His throat clogging up with spit. "It's okay."

"I know I'm dying, Nancy came in earlier today and she gave me your grandfather's coat..." There was a pause. "I want you to have it." She pointed to the tan trench coat on the white table next to the window. "I love you Castiel, know that." Castiel hugged his grandmother, who was slowly fading away. Dean knew what he had done would make things worse if he told Castiel, he knew that he could never tell him, it would break his heart. The monitor's beeping slowed, soon enough the sound stopped, flat. No motion, no sounds, nothing. Everything was still for a moment until the doctor came in.

"Castiel...it's time you go home." Castiel stood up and left the room carrying the trench coat his grandfather owned before he died in the fire. Dean followed, stopping he took out his wallet from his pocket and a pen from the doctor's white coat pocket he wrote on a check. 512.89 dollars worth. "Thank you." Said the doctor, Dean patted his back looking down on the floor walking away. By the time Dean reached the elevator, Castiel was already down to the last two floor. By the time Dean reached the first floor, Castiel was already in a cab going home.   
Dean signed out and ran to his car, it was raining. Dean dropped his keys as he took out his phone and walked to his car. He quickly walked over to the small road to look for them tired and worried.  
Immediately Dean found his keys. He ran to the car and drove home. He drove so fast like he was a famous racer in the 60s. He picked up his phone, only to see ten missed called from the school. He pressed on one, "hello Mr. Winchester this is the school board. I am here to inform you that school will not be happening for a few days, this is because of a problems with a few things which are classified. Good day." Dean didn't bother hearing the others. He wanted to go home but there was so much guilt inside of him he wanted to go to Castiel's house. On the way home he took a right instead of going straight and then a left and drove to his house.When he arrived to Castiel's house, he rushed out to the unlocked tiny home.  
"Cas." Dean called for Castiel, in return there was no response, "cas?" He repeated as he walked to Castiel's room. The door creaked open, "cas?"

"Huh? D-dean?"

"Cas!" He ran to Castiel and hugged him, causing Castiel to drop pills onto the ground which rolled under the sink.

"No, d-dean no!" He sobbed, "why!!!"

"Cas, don't do this if you do so help I will KILL you okay! I-I don't want you gone...please?" Dean cried out to Castiel hugging him tightly not letting him escape his grip, "please cas, please?!" He whispered.

"D-dean...why are y-you here." Castiel was confused as to why dean even cared, if he really does care. Dean didn't need him he can find all sorts of people! Castiel thought.

"I wanted t-to see you, I'm glad I made it on time." He said still holding onto Castiel tightly, "if I were to do this...would you be there to stop me?" He sniffled, eyes red, tears flowing quickly and voices breaking.

"Yes, b-but this is different." Castiel had no tone in his words It was plain and boring, emotionless.

"NO ITS N-NOT Castiel,it's not."

"D-dean why c-can't you just Lea-leave things al-alone?" Castiel whined, dean hugged him tighter rubbing his face onto Castiel's neck. "De-dean?"

"Because you're needed," dean whispered into Castiel's ear and kissed his cheek, Castiel blushed brightly, "I need you." Dean kissed his cheek again, "you are the best damn thing that I've ever had!" His phrasing wasn't so good and very confusing to Castiel.

"This isn't about me, my grandmother j-ust FUCKING DIED and you you are worried about m-me leaving Y-you!" Castiel screamed at dean, angry and confused. "This isn't A FUCKING GAME DEAN!"

"C-cas..." Dean was scared, he had only been with Castiel a few days and he wanted to get to know him but he never had the time, "I'm...sorry." He whispered looking down at the floor.

"G-go home." Castiel said walking to the door. "Just go."

"Cas I-"

"Just go Dean." Castiel cut him off, Dean left, he drove home which took a while. He was worried about Castiel, he loved Castiel even if it was too early to say so, as tile brought life to Dean. He let Dean feel again. A week has gone by, Thursday finally came. Castiel woke up and got dressed for school, the school website alerted students that it was the day to come back to school after a classified incident with a few teachers and the principle. Castiel arrived to class and the day went on as usual, Castiel was late. The home room teachers handed out different student schedules this time, for Castiel it was: home room, math,lunch, and literature. As for electives he had art and health. The school made classes longer so the semester would only have two main classes rather than four. When math started, he saw a few people he knew from literature class.  
"Cassy!" Amanda called, please don't call me that, Castiel thought.

"Hey cas!" Michael spoke, as did Gabriel and Meg. Meg smiled but then quickly looked away.

"H-hey Meg." Castiel waved. By the time it was lunch they all say together as usual, Gabriel would make his jokes, Michael would be the mature one, Meg would be the sassy shy stuck up girl. As for Amanda, she was just a simple girl trying to fit in, she was doing just fine but at her last school no excepted her.

"Hello little monsters." Crowley walked by and forced a smile, "having a little laugh now are we?" He carried a drink with a tiny pitch fork in it, "well, don't have too much fun. Devil children." He walked away laughing.

"Hello, King of hell." Gabriel mumbled. " hey cas, walk with me. Lunch is already over." Castiel nodded.  
On there way to class they talked about what they wanted to be when they were out of school. Neither of which knew what they desired to be. Class soon ended, Gabriel and Castiel had all of the same classes except for art. They walked to class together, Gabriel of course teasing Castiel with perverted jokes on who he would bang if he could, of course Castiel would laugh even though he had no understanding of why he would want to do so. They say together in the back of the class, mostly because Castiel had no other friends, luckily Michael was there. Gabriel was considered cool and the class clown in school, Castiel would be the shy but laid back person even though deep inside he was broken and messed up. Michael had no problems in his life, he was the rich white teenager who's parents gave him everything he ever wanted. Although he liked being treated that way, he hated being thought of the stupid, stuck up rich white kid who thought he was better than everyone else. So he hung it with Castiel and the others, he felt safe with them and treated Castiel like his youngest brother. It worked, no one thought of him as the stuck up rich kid. They were best pals. "Alright let's get this over with, WELCOME back class, as you can see we will not be spending another week like this outside of school unless it is a holiday. Take out your pencils and notebooks we will be taking notes on... Uh let's see, hold on." Dean hurried back to his desk, looking through papers. "AH HAH! Edgar Allen Poe!" Very few people giggled, but they were girls who thought Dean was hilarious and sexy. "Funny aren't I?" He whispered to himself, smiling.

"Dude, dude." Gabriel gave Michael a note, who then ripped it up without even reading it. Gabriel wrote another note with the same words but with one word differently, he then passed it to Castiel.  
Gabriel: Meg likes you, lol.  
Castiel: I always knew I just didn't think she actually did.

Castiel felt great about his writing, there was no stutter unless a character was meant to.

Gabriel: seriously?! Lol okay den.

"Edgar Allen Poe, did you know that he was twenty seven when he married Virginia Eliza Clemm Poe who was thirteen. She was his first cousin, biographers say that they viewed each other as brother and sister, they also disagree on their decision on marriage." He wrote on the board their fate of birth and date of death, the causes of death, and even the poems Poe wrote. "Poe eventually turned to alcoholism order to cope with the death of his wife, there are theories that her death is what changed his way of writing poetry. Which would lead us to one of his most famous pieces, tell-tale heart. Now you may ask, was t his most famous the Raven? Well yes, it was but I would like us to read the tell-tale heart." Ten teenagers put their hands down. "Many of his stories were not accepted in his time, as they were considered 'too scary' since they were gothic and involved insanity murder and revenge."  
Gabriel kept laughing at his small little jokes he made in his head and told them to Castiel, Castiel would laugh along. "Gabriel would you mind reciting a stanza from his poem?" Gabriel was surprised he was called on, most teachers had enough with his actions every year that they gave up on him. Not this one. The students were given three of Poe's most famous peons.

"Ah, distinctly I remember it was in the bleak December,   
And each separate dying ember wrought its ghost upon the floor.   
Eagerly I wished the morrow;- vainly I had sought to borrow   
From my books surcease of sorrow- sorrow for the lost Lenore-   
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore-   
                Nameless here for evermore. " Gabriel looked up hoping he was correct, to his surprise he was not.

"Sit down Gabe. Castiel, would you mind reciting a stanza?" Dean looked upset with Castiel, sure they were dating but that didn't mean Castiel could act out and not get in deep trouble. Dean raised an eyebrow as he tapped his foot against the table he was sitting next to.

"Uh...o-okay." Castiel cleared his throat, he took a deep breath in and exhaled, " If still y-you think me mad, you will think so no longer when I describe the wise precautions I took for the concealment of the body. The night waned, and I-I worked hastily, but in silence. First of all I dismembered the corpse. I cut off the head and the arms and the legs..." He stopped. "What the-"

"Thank you Castiel, you may sit down now." Castiel was deeply concerned about Poe's writing, it was scary and very concerning. Class soon ended, art and health hadn't mattered. There was nothing remotely interesting or important.

"Hey!" Gabriel walked to Castiel, "hey where are you going?"

"I'm going to the nearest bus stop, why?"

"Why?! Well because you always walk this way and you never get on the school bus. How do you come to school?"

"I-I get in a ta-taxi or bus and they drop me off he-here and I walk to the school the rest of the way."

"Oh...wanna drive to McD's? I have a car." Gabriel asked and Castiel agreed to do so. Gabriel had become more of a brother figure and became a best friend towards Castiel, this was a great moment for Castiel. Castiel ordered the number 2 and asked for large fries with a medium coke, his favorite. "So...why you no talk much?" Castiel was silent. They were

He was scared to mess up on speaking, like always. After being with Dean he felt he could say anything, he wasn't afraid unless it was a question that made him seriously nervous or just confusing. He replied quickly, "I-I stutter."

"Oh, is there a reason? I mean if there is you don't have to tell me, just know I'm here." Gabriel took a sip of his juice, wondering why Castiel stuttered, "it's getting late, I'm driving you home. Where is it you live?" Castiel told Gabriel, when they reached his home they said their good byes. Castiel checked the time, his phone nearly broken had the time: 6:50 pm. It was the evening and it was already getting dark, cloudy, a thunderstorm was approaching.

"Great." It poured like hail, harsh. "I can't wait for winter." He ran inside unlocking the rusty door knob. He tumbled down, he realized he was living alone. Alone, the word floated in his empty mind. Nothing ever really went on in there, only his colors and how he wished he could be set free out into the world and not be judged. "The time will come, right?" He walked into the bathroom and stared at himself. Huge dark circles , sad clear sea blue eyes, long skinny nose, crooked smile, imperfect hairline.  
"Everything about me is flawed." He spoke to himself, lonely and depressed in the dim lighted room, "will I ever be the real me?" There was no real Castiel, there was only just Castiel. Everything about him was flawed but he couldn't see that was what made him perfect. " what am I?" He snarled at his own reflection. "I'm gay! No one likes gays, there is something wrong with me! Why? Why me?" He cried out angrily. "God...why me?" He looked up, kneeling onto the cold hard ground, "w-why me?" He whispered to himself, grossly sobbing into the palm of his hands. He cried, yelled, threw things into the ground. He stood up, looked into the mirror, "you sad stupid boy. You're worthless, why not kill you self." He repeated words people had said to him long ago, " you're nothing. Go die!" He couldn't stop himself, "do it, ugly ass. Kill yourself, no one wants you!" Words, hateful words that hurt him. Hurt him so much he almost did years ago. He nearly did it last year, "why didn't you kill yourself when you had the chance?!" So many hateful people cornered him, no way out. He sobbed and sobbed.

"Why didn't I kill myself? Why..." He told himself, he opened the bathroom mirror. He took out pills his grandmother took to relieve her back pain, he took out bottle of vodka from the small fridge. There was a small iPod in his grandmother's room, he turned it on. He played dream by imagine dragons His favorite song to play when he felt depressed. "This is it." His voice high pitched, he took out his phone and called Dean, he wanted to say his good byes. Voicemail: please leaver your message for DEAN WINCHESTER AT THE BEEP- beeeeeep. "...D-ean..." There was heavy breathing, "uh hey, I wanted to say hey and uh I know we've only dated for about a week, so that's good you'll be able to move on quickly I suppose. Um this is a note, I mean isn't that what people do in this kind of situation? Heh. Well, just know that I care about you enough to leave you...and I'll miss you very much even though we don't know each other very well... I uh-Love you. I love you." He hung up. He took triple the amount then you normally should, drank a huge dose of the strongest vodka in the building and chugged it. "This it it." Immediately he started to have a heart attack. He felt his heart collapse quickly and painfully he loved the feeling. He loved it, which was the problem. He waited for this very moment, he never had the guts to do so and even though he was close to doing so he would never actually do so. This, this was his moment. The moment he would cherish for his last seconds on earth, his last seconds of breath would be his very favorite. A tear rolled down his left eye, then another on his right. A smile formed as his last breath approached, "thank y-you." He said chocking on his very words. As the song ended his life flashed away. A light formed around him, his happiness forming as his sadness fades, as his life fades. This was it.  
This was his moment to shine.

 


	5. I'm sorry

IM SAD TO SAY THAT IM SORRY.  
This fanfic is over and I suck at making it and should have never made it in the first place. Sorry to those who liked this, and I hope to those who hated this that you are happy.  
Thank you to those who have kudos to this work, and thank you everyone for everything. I'm sad to say that this fan fiction is over and I'm not writing anymore of it.

This fan fiction had no plot, and I was unprepared and all sorts of crap.  
Sorry. Lol


	6. Other news

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended this fan fiction, read below.  
> 

I am currently working on a new fan fiction, it will have a full plot.  
Everything will be checked multiple times before posting, spelling errors, punctuation, grammar, etc. everything will be checked multiple times.

Hopefully you will like it.  
I'm still focusing on the chapters and the plot, when I am finished I will name the fan fiction and post each chapter once a week.  
Why once a week?  
So I can see if people like it or not.  
It will take a while to work on but hopefully it will be worth your time and mine as well.  
Thank you for your support and love.  
Heads up on more updates!


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